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Original Contribution

The Gifts of a Caregiver

Thom Dick

No matter how we’re affected by our genealogy or our life experience, each of us is born wonderfully unique. Whether we grow up mechanically inclined, logical, mathematical, artistic, linguistic, empathetic, green-thumbed, funny or spiritual, we’re each equipped with and defined by a unique blend of gifts or talent.

With a little luck, at some time during our lives we will encounter a parent, teacher or mentor who recognizes the value and the beauty of our talent. And if we’re really fortunate, somebody, someday will explain to us how to use it. That’s important, because our talent comes to us without instructions.

Our talent also seems to come with some degree of vulnerability. So, for instance, people who are naturally kind or caring may also be gullible. Sensitive people tend to get their feelings hurt by things that wouldn’t bother most others. People who are quick-witted can be arrogant, impatient, judgmental or condescending. People who are inclined to lead can be coercive, demanding and disrespectful. Born artists can find themselves mystified by daily, practical necessities like budgeting or vehicle maintenance. And people who are fine mathematical or scientific thinkers can be totally confounded by interpersonal relationships.

The key to maximizing any gift, no matter how powerful, is to balance its intrinsic value against whatever vulnerability accompanies it. And the key to that balance is understanding.

Some gifts are essential to a caregiver, just as other gifts are elemental for a mathematician. Still others are so intrinsic to creating a beautiful drawing of the human face, for instance, that no amount of learning or effort can compensate for a lack of that talent in someone who is simply not born to be an artist.

More than anything else, an EMT must be a good caregiver. And good caregivers must be born with at least three kinds of talent in their “blends”: a natural liking for people, sensitivity to suffering in others and a good sense of humor. Those things can be enhanced by education, but not even the greatest teacher can create them where they don’t exist.

A Liking for People

An EMT’s most essential gift is a natural ability to like people—not all people, and not every single day, but generally like them. More than anything else, EMS is a people business. A natural ability to like people is what determines whether an EMT merely endures EMS day after day or loves it for years. And what new EMTs deserve to know, experienced EMTs should never forget.

It’s an EMT’s job to take care of sick people in whatever environment they inhabit. New EMTs deserve to know in advance that the sick people they meet may be heavy, slippery, stinky, whiny, ugly, leaky, ill-tempered and downright nasty to touch. Sick people lie to us all the time about how they feel and what they’ve done. They fail to take their medicines, they drive while intoxicated (without seat belts), and they do other things that seem plainly stupid. Some are innocent and vulnerable. And some commit horrible crimes for which they show no remorse and accept no responsibility.

But no matter how outrageous their behaviors may seem, they always do what they do for a reason. EMTs are very often the first ones to discern those reasons, because of their unique access to scenes where emergencies have occurred. That uniqueness makes it tempting, sometimes, for EMTs to form judgments. But judgment gets in the way of an EMT’s real job, which is helping people. And resisting that temptation is so much easier for someone who naturally finds it easy to like them.

Emotional Intelligence

In addition to liking people, it helps to be able to sense things about them—things an ordinary person might sometimes never detect. For instance, their intelligence, integrity, fear, level of pain, state of happiness or unhappiness, despair and so on. In fact, there’s a name for that sensitivity: emotional intelligence. Much has been written about emotional intelligence since Daniel Goleman coined the term in 1995, and anyone who runs EMS calls for a living deserves to understand it. A brief description of the concept—and a test one can take to measure one’s EQ (analogous to IQ)—is accessible online.1

Emotional intelligence is an essential gift in a caregiver, without which the experience of suffering by another person can be clouded, mysterious and intangible. Unfortunately, when unbridled or not well understood, this valuable tool can make caregivers seem hypersensitive, needy and difficult to live with.

Humor

Like both of the gifts named above, it’s hard to imagine the prospect of dealing with other people’s emergencies if one doesn’t have a good sense of humor. And, like the other two gifts, not even the best teacher can create it.

There’s probably a reason why the creator of all EMTs filled our eyes with two kinds of humor. Humor is essential in every relationship, even one as transient as the 30-minute kind that transpires between sick people and their EMTs. So much of what we encounter is gravely serious, sad, scary, monotonous or dangerous that doing the work for years would be impossible if we couldn’t see some humor in it.

Remember, a whole lot of stuff is funnier than you think.

Find related content from Thom at www.emsworld.com/12246923 and www.emsworld.com/12246926.

Footnotes

1. Queendom. Emotional Intelligence Test, https://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=3978.

Thom Dick has been a passionate advocate of sick people and the safety of their field caregivers since 1970. He has written hundreds of articles and three books on those subjects, including the People Care books. You can reach Thom via Facebook or at boxcar414@comcast.net. Thom is also a member of the EMS World editorial advisory board.