Is That ‘Difficult’ Patient Just ‘Different’?

I think we all already know that difficult people are everywhere. It is highly unlikely that we will go through life and never encounter them. Difficult people are disguised as our patients, coworkers, employers, family, friends, partners, service people, acquaintances or strangers. Literally, these are people you come into contact with every single day.

Keep in mind that the word “difficult” is subjective. In other words, personalities that are difficult for one individual might not seem difficult to another, which usually accounts for many a personality conflict. What one finds challenging and internalizes, another might easily brush off. It is important to understand it is not the person we find annoying as much as it is the behavior. The way difficult people act rubs us the wrong way. Sometimes, we tend to label someone as “difficult” just because they think differently from us or fail to see things our way, which of course is the right way. Right? Wrong.

We are all motivated by different things; needs, fears, perspectives, values and cultures. Gender thinking and right/left brain dominance also play roles. This combination of dynamics is responsible for how we communicate. People who seek control or require recognition communicate one way while others who focus on a need for affection and respect communicate differently. Some people avoid confrontation for fear of hurting an individual’s feelings while others might think it is prudent to say exactly what is on their mind and not dwell on the potential emotional impact.

If we were to describe some familiar labels that we might consider “difficult,” words like selfish, negative, pot stirrer, irresponsible, arrogant/rude, unmotivated, insubordinate, disrespectful, foot dragger, gossiper and bully might come to mind. No one generally thinks of themselves as difficult. However, if you have ever been guilty of even one of these labels, someone might perceive you as, well, difficult.

Bottom line: we could all be somebody’s worst nightmare at some point, whether it is intentional, inadvertent or maybe due to a bad hair day. It is just who we are. Perhaps my 3-year-old grandson said it best. Following a minor meltdown, I questioned him as to why he was misbehaving. He turned to me with shrugged shoulders and the most sincere facial expression, and said, “Mimi, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. That’s just the way I am.” Hard to argue with innocence and honesty.

While the expectations are that patients and coworkers will always conduct themselves in a civilized manner, we have expert testimony that “sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t.” Our goal as professionals (and for self-preservation) should be to treat all individuals with compassion and respect, (maybe with some extra consideration for our patients). Regardless of how difficult patients may seem, the truth is, none of us can know what someone else is going through.

There are two things you should know. One, we cannot fix these people. Two, it requires effort to compel difficult patients to like us. If we simply make the effort to understand personality types and learn to appreciate each other for strengths and qualities instead of weaknesses, we just might minimize some of those potential combative situations.

Editor’s note: This is an excerpt from Ms. Homisak’s feature article“Strategies For Dealing With Difficult Patients,” which will appear in the December 2018 issue of Podiatry Today.